Let's sail again.

This is about my relationship.

Woke up from the same dream again, it's the another same situation as if the dream might take your breath away anytime. 

You started to think of her again.

The scenes replay again.

You are being pulled down into the sea of depression again.

This, I gotta make a statement for it.

Everyone has his/her own most loved person in the mind, your ex, your current or you are still waiting for your most loved.

This doesn't mean that I am still in love with her, it was actually just "the sense of attachment" to your most intimate part of your body, soul and mind, and it's still lingering in your heart.

I fell asleep at 9pm. I didn't hang out with friends for movie "Dracula" as I've already watched it earlier.

Later a friend of mine called to wake me up at around 12.30am to go out for "lim teh"

I felt sleepy and a little bit of mood swing cause a person's emotion is most easily to be affected right after a short nap. 

Yes I drove out to Taman Rimba to join my friends. The roads, were so familiars and memories started to hit in harder and harder as I passed by every junction.

I rolled down the door windows and chilling night wind blew on my face. It was so sharp, memories in this cold night could eat you up as the road seemed to be endless.

I constantly used my hand to rub my hair just to make sure I'm still in good conscious to drive. 

 / let bygones be bygones / they said, how can you tell them that all these are bygones while the memories are living so real in your mind every single day?

But .. I did it ..

I made it through ..

It wasn't easy, but I'm glad I did it .. 

Yes I am ready to love someone else, again!

How do you do?

I spent my last 2 days of revision together with 2 friends before I sat for my Financial Strategy paper. Let's name them as M and J.

We talked about girls, relationships, religions, career and etc.

Now M, I just know that he dislikes childish girls, in Cantonese we say, dou gei. He likes those kind girls that always strive to achieve for better, and continuously improving oneself.

J, he is a good leader. He has great future vision and he always thinks from multiple perspective before he starts to judge or evaluate.
So J, he likes girl who has same mindset as him, mature and of course, having same race culture as him, so that his parents can be pleased.

Now me, kinda have same perspectives as both of them.
Cause the girl who is good in everything, happened to stay by my side for more than 3 years.

You know, the best girl I could ever think of, is always her, K.
But we had to go for separate ways.
I wasn't a good boy back to that time, and she was too good to stay by my side.

Today, I am different.
I am no longer afraid of height.
I am no longer afraid of pets, and I even love to play with puppies.
I am no longer love to eat sweet stuff.
I am no longer doubt myself in terms of faith and belief.

I don't know how much I've changed, but I think the best person to tell me the differences, is only her.
Cause she used to know me the best, and I really wonder how much I've changed if we were to have a long long long talk.

She, is no longer the girl I love, but just a friend that will always have my blessing, for every single good thing that she deserves in her life.

I just, want her to be happy, all the time.

Happy 520!

From what I saw today, those who experienced heartbreak recently, today 520 is a sad day.

I am pretty neutral to this day cause I don't really experience any significant emotional mood.

It was just that, I actually worried much more of my friends rather than myself, cause I know that deep down inside, they lost more than I did, for now.

I lost my most loved before, but it's already past. So what matters to me now, is my family and my friends.

Happy 520, love more to those who love you now :)

Let's have a date.

Where is the brave Peter, that never afraid of asking any girl to go out for movie, dinner or maybe some other outings for sports?

Yes I might get interested in you, that's why I wanted to date you out. 

Who the hell would not do the same? To ask the one that you like, to go out with you, to see if some any chemical reaction would occur.

I'll prefer western style, like:

Hey, you look pretty cute here. Would you like to go out with me if I were to date you? 

*straight and forward, clean and clear cut*

You reject me then I am cool with that. We still can be friends right.

Chill, I'll be a good friend to you.

What's wrong with girls' minds to think that whoever boy tries to date you out, wants to be your boyfriend? (Yea that's quite true in some aspect)

Boys date you out, because they just purely want to test if both of you can have chemical sparks or just plainly able to stay in friends zone.

*Oops*

18 May 2012

18 May 2012:

Being your girlfriend for the past few years, I am really satisfied and happy although there are bitter moments. From the happy and unforgetable memories you gave me since the start of valentine's day, this is my first time I feel love and care from a stranger. So, I took the first step to open my heart and accept you as my boyfriend. Years goes by, we knew and understand each other. Quarrels , heated arguments, real characters and faces are out. Being an immature girl, the fastest way to express myself is to take the short cut without thinking that is breaking up with you. Solving the problems is not with me that time.  I just think to run out of the problems at that time and hurt you by saying that i don't love you and those words. In fact, i am just bluffing you and myself. I am sorry. Then the relationship went on off on off and both hearts seem like untrustable because of the scars and the wound there. I still remember that you once told me that, if one party feel insecure about the relationship, the other party must not give up and try to save this relationship. I think both of us did. I tried my best too to get you back but i am really tired now and I can't accept what you said such as I love my current conditions now, I don't feel like in the relationship for now, perhaps in future i will. For me, in the positive view, i would be thinking that maybe you need time, you are not ready, you are afraid to have me back and you don't trust me. But in the negative view, i would think that i am just a spare tyre for you. It seems like i am the stupid one who wait for you, you are testing how much i love you, how long i will wait and you didn't give me any secure and firm answers. And when another girl touch your heart, you would hurt me again and i can't really afford that anymore. I start to see the future of us faded days by days. After many thoughts and thinking, i had made my decision to take my heart back from you and forgive me that I already give up and everything for my wrong doing for this relationship. Forgive me if i am not strong enough to hold on to this relationship. I know you will live your life well and same goes to me. Goodbye.

We should stop seeing each other.

By reading this post, you might feel uncomfortable and feel discriminated if you are a female reader.

But let me to make this thing clear first, cause I only know about boys' parts and girls rarely share their sad love stories with the males unless the boys are the BFF of the girls or these boys are the girls seeing now.

-

This is the season for "break-ups" (October 2013 till May 2014) and yes, it is.

Within these half year, I have seen many pairs of couples have broken up and yes seriously it surprised me as few of these pairs of couples they were actually "attached" to each other, meaning that they were very sweet like you couldn't stand the sweetness and you started to see ants around them =/

Firstly, is this a trend for now? 

Most of the boys (mostly, but not all) got hurt from the break-ups because of the girls wanted to look for freedom.

And eventually these girls started to look for new life and new relationship, and yes they recovered faster (or perhaps instant recovery) than the other halves.

"Life is much more colorful and free now when you are single"

"I can make more friends now, boys and girls, I just feel so free now"

"I realized that I am so awesome cause I still got a lot of admirers"

Okay, FTS, you heard me, FTS.

And then next, boys started to get emotional. 

You see them started to share those love quotes, or updating some emotional status on Twitter, WeChat, emotional quotes with photos on Instagram, but definitely not on Facebook cause you don't want public to get to know that shits just getting real emo but you are just solely wanted to express your feeling of that "impact" at that moment.

What impact? The impact that strikes every single part of your heart whenever you see something or you smell something like her aroma, you started to think of how sweet both of you holding hands and walking around those shopping centers, and you know you will not go to those places in anytime soon cause you don't want to wake the "devil of heartache" up.

Some boys are pretty good in hiding their emotional feelings too, but you will never know that, they actually have a blog with full of "emotional articles" inside that I swear you will share at least 50% of their feelings right after you finished reading their posts. 

And we are labelled as "oh here comes the emo boy again, posting emo status and stuff"

Let me to share with you about my experience.

Twitter was my hideout, I shared all the negative and emotional tweets for at least half a year when I gone through the transition period after the break-up with my most loved girl.

I joined bodybuilding to kill some time off to distract myself.

I started to go to the church to learn more about myself and love of God.

All these weren't easy at all but I made it, I finally able to face her.

But today, I am still labelled as "the emo guy with emo status and every single emo shit", even though I am not longer the one.
I had enough with that and I won't go back to that emo cave anymore.

After gone through several relationships, I came out with lots of ideas and theories.

One of it is, if you ever felt grateful to have her/him as your the other half, then it must be a true love.

I only had one, and I always told her that I was grateful to have her as my girl.

But things didn't work out as it should be, so we had to separate to move on with respective life.

Don't let your past to stop you to find another true love, use it to guide you to find a new true love.

To me, feeling grateful to have that one, that's one of the signal that she's the right one.

I don't have any bombastic words or sentences to put all my feelings into words but I'm sure that somehow someday, God will give me the right one, at the right time, and at the right place.

I have my own faith, what about you?

My recent life ..

It wasn't really a good time for me.

Even for now ..

So YES!
I am already graduated with Merit in Advanced Diploma in Commerce (Management Accounting) from TAR College (Now known as TAR University College).

So my current working life is like kinda .. erm .. dull .. ?
But I still go to the gym everyday.

You heard me right!
Am working as an Accounts Executive and yet still hitting gym everyday.
Colleagues from other departments still doubt about my background ._.

Why? Combination of an Account Executive and a bodybuilder? Why not?!

Please forgive my brief story as I don't really know what should I talk about for my current working life. I am still uncertain of my future and when things getting clear, I'll get a detailed update here.




What's next?

I went to sleep over my best friend Dumbo's place there. So we had some chit chat and I wasn't playing attention cause I was like a little bit of mind absent.
So he told me that I am actually gaining size and of course I love to hear that.
The next thing he told me was that I had some changes for my body size and of course the biggest change in me was, I didn't get so freaking emotional like last time.
In short, my frequency of getting emo is actually getting lesser comparing to last time.
And last time I was like, *WTH with this person keep on being emo emo emo*
I'm sure you would say like that if you were one of my friends staying around me.

Is it really true? Dumbo told me that perhaps it was due to the reason that working actually distracted me and I spent most of my time in working and in the gym as well.

I didn't have the guts to tell him that you don't know freaking emo I am everyday spending my time inside the car, stuck in the traffic jams, 45 minutes traveling to company and 1 hour traveling back to home.

This life is sickening me day by day. I see no challenge in my work, I see no future development for my personal portfolio. I need a better job, a more challenging job.
I was being qualified into top 70 out of 2,700 applicants during Maybank Go Ahead Challenge 2013 (National Level - Malaysia). Only 59 showed up and 23 got eliminated in the first round.
I got into top 36 and I fought hard to try my best to get into top 36.
And unfortunately I failed when it came to last round which is a debate session.

You could easily see I was shaking due to over tension if you were sitting beside me ..

Competition ended and I went back home with depression that haunted me for a night.
I asked myself that night, why did I so afraid arguing with others?

The next day I woke up with a stronger will and spirit. The competition actually awakens the beast within me.

 BEAST ?!

The desire of this beast of wanted to have more advanced to desire of getting fame, desire of sending my name Peter Goh into this competitive commercial world and to shake the commercial world.
*Bullshit*
Yea right, but I really wanted to have more advancement you know >_<

So my conclusion, I shall wait till I get my CIMA qualification and I shall rock the world after that!


Lastly,

It's regarding my relationship.

Been single for quite a long time. If you were to ask me that am I getting lonely because I am single, my answer would be a N-O, NO.
Physically lonely? Nope I got works, gym and friends around me.
Mentally lonely? Well what answer should I give?

The best answer should be in half I supposed.

I am a Christian. I know God is preparing a something good for me.
Reason why? The best thing always takes a longer time to get prepared.
So I have to be patient enough to meet The One that He's preparing for me.
 
Well on the other hand, sometimes you know, you will get not comfortable seeing couples around every time you go out for some outing or gathering.
When you are single, you see happy couples around.
When you are in a relationship, you see happy singles around.

From Alex Chin,
God always has bigger and better plan for you.
From Peter Goh,
Have faith!